Letter to God
Lifestyle, Nonfiction, Personal Experiences, Poetry

A Letter to God (Brokenhearted)

Dear God,

I don’t know what to say to you. It feels like I’ve been on a never-ending journey that doesn’t seem to have a final destination. I don’t know how that’s possible but with you, nothing is impossible right? So, I guess I’m forced to believe that you know what’s up and just maybe there’s a turnaround or like they say, ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. However, each moment I’m awake, it’s like I don’t even realize the significance of life. Worry lingers on my sheets like the smell of stale air as I toss and turn in the annoyance of having woken up to another day. It’s another day of a birthed struggle. At first, it seems like a beautiful moment just like when a mother first lays her eyes on her newborn baby. The bright sun deceives with its beautiful smile and the clouds dance to the calm hymns of the wind but then the day’s tasks cry out in neglect and what felt like a day of roses and rainbows turn into arrows and bullets.

Wait! What was I thinking? I can’t believe I didn’t dust all the lies away when Monday promised to be good to me. Tuesday said it would be fine and hope would still prevail. Wednesday was like the shadow of Tuesday and well Thursday wasn’t even sure what to expect. Friday tried to be good to me but there was Saturday and Sunday reminding me of the treacherous death of the weekend. Each day ending with another shattered hope and dream with promises that never got fulfilled. Where has my happiness sprinted to? What is up with the void that I now feel inside? I’ve wondered in so much confusion and felt defeated by this helplessness and uncertainty.

I called you several times but I couldn’t even hear you speak. I tried to leave you a voicemail but it felt like your service provider shut me off. Was I too filthy to even be given a chance to speak or was I too saddened to grace your presence? I wanted to cry to mama but mama cried to you too. I wanted to talk to papa but you sent him away. Brother was a wreck and tried to look for help elsewhere and well sister didn’t even think you existed anymore. Am I being punished or am I being kept on hold for reasons unknown? You said I would be fine but I don’t feel fine. You said I was yours and I believed but now I don’t know what to believe anymore. Life threw thorns at me and you watched me bleed. I cried out for help but received none. I asked you to take the pain away but it overcame me. Now I’m dead. I’m dead to all my emotions. I’ve become numb to the pain, but also to life. My feelings, I no longer feel. My eyes, I want to close forever. Where are you in all this? You promised me! You promised me, father. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this but I hope you know that I asked and didn’t receive, sought you and didn’t find, knocked and the door was not opened to me so I’m gone….gone forever.

Sincerely,

Your child.

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Dear Child,

How I long for you to truly understand the rich blessings of life that you have been promised. In this journey called life, there are going to be many obstacles along your way but you need to decide to keep going and persevere till the end because what awaits you is far greater than all your struggles. I didn’t say it would be easy but I promised you would overcome your challenges if just continue to put your trust in me. Look up child, it’s never easy and I know that because you haven’t seen me in person, it’s easier to think that my words are all lies and full of deceit but my intentions for you are pure and my plans for you are far greater than you can ever imagine, if only you would just believe and remain patient. Please don’t give up even though things may be hard for you right now. At just the right time, you will reap a harvest of blessing. This, have I promised to you.

I know what you need even before you ask for it so stop worrying about your everyday needs because just as I have promised, I will always provide for you. Remember the devil detest me and all my children. He prows around looking for whom to devour because he knows that those who show a sign of weakness and are vulnerable to his attempts can be trapped in his lies and deceit. This is why you need to build yourself up with the armours you have been given to fight against every strategy of the devil. You have been given free access to the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sandals of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the spirit and your communication to me (prayer). Talk to me my child because I hear you even when you think I don’t. I know how angry you must be but please do not let anger overtake you. Sometimes, I delay your requests because I know it is best for you at that moment or you do not need it as much as you think you do.

I always sent messages to you but you were never around to listen to or receive them. When I tried to whisper to your heart, you overcrowded it with emotions of anger. It never gave me a chance to come close to you because your heart was hardened. Remember that I am even closer to you when you are heartbroken and too weak to ask for help. I hear your cries and it hurts me, even more, to see you in pain so don’t think I am not there with you because I am with you everywhere you go. I love you so much, child. I really do, which is why I overlooked and bailed you out of the prison of your sins at a very expensive price. Remain strong, my child, and know that you are looked after. Wipe your tears and cry no more for a day is coming when you will no longer feel pain. I certainly miss you and don’t want to lose you again so please don’t turn your back on me. It would hurt to see you go and I don’t want to say goodbye to you because I love you with everything that’s of me.

Yours faithfully,

God.

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Sometimes I write in a place of pain and sometimes inspiration (like the letters above) but when I pen down my thoughts, it brings about the relief that almost feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders (You probably have a great outlet too). And I when I do look back to some of the words that sit on my screen, tears tickle the inner corners of my eyes but I reflect on the pain as my past and I’m thankful that I graduated from it. Your pain of today will cease to exist tomorrow (heard that before eh? Yeah, me too but it is absolutely true). You know, God’s words are written out to encourage and uplift us because this world is not exactly a place filled with all ups (we probably already know this) but our FAITH in God is so important because a lot of things just seem impossible and in fact, hard to comprehend but His thoughts and ways are truly not ours. Please note that you are not alone in that pain or struggle but how you choose to react to it is very important as well. Trust me, there are a billion others that go to bed with a heavy heart. I can’t imagine the hearts that currently bleed from all the noise going on in the world today. Sometimes we don’t realize the battles that even our loved ones have to fight, just to get up another day. Life can be well…a lot because one person’s curse can be another’s prayer. We honestly do not know what we have until we see through other people’s lenses but be encouraged to keep seeking and asking even when you’re pressed to think otherwise. I’m not a preacher but lately, I’ve been feeling the need to share my headspace and testimonies on here and the letters above were written sometime last year but I thought to share them now. Sometimes I have a lot to say but don’t even know how to express myself. I really don’t know who needs to see this but your tears of sorrow will be turned into tears of joy and I hope you become hopeful again for the beautiful future ahead of you. Some things I find that currently help when I feel funky (not so great because I’m only human) is praising God with many great gospel songs that get me dancing until I forget everything else but Him, reaching out to Him, studying His words and surrounding myself with great company (family, friends, podcasts, books, videos etc) so I encourage you to do the same. Stay blessed dearies!

Some References to Bible Scriptures to help encourage you and I;

  • John 16:33
  • Matthew 6:8
  • Matthew 6:25-33
  • Jeremiah 29:11
  • Ephesians 6:10-18
  • 1 Corinthians 6:20
  • Joshua 1:9
  • Isaiah 41:10
  • Galatians 6:9
  • 1 John 3:1
  • 1 John 4:19
  • Hebrews 11
  • 1 Peter 5:8
  • James 4:3
  • Isaiah 30:18
  • Psalms 34:18
  • John 3:16
  • John 8:47
  • Romans 10:17
  • Revelation 21:4
  • Romans 8:18     
  • Proverbs 3:5-6

Benita Okafor

Benita Okafor is a Content Creator whose brand is based on Storytelling, Food & Lifestyle Blogging.

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